(Originally asked and replied to on Tumblr here on Dec 16th, 2020)

Anonymous asked:

how do you reconcile being an angel fictive with the nature of angels in judaism as almost mechanistic beings not possessing free will? and only existing to serve a purpose for as long as that purpose entails?

A: Omg anon thank u for asking me this, I would love to talk about this!

So this is something I learned from my first rabbi, that angels are basically G?d’s Mr. Meeseeks and exist to fulfill a task and then … poof! \o/ I kind of understand it as being re-absorbed into G?d, like the angels are just extensions of G?ds willpower.

BUT! While we may be created without free will for the purpose of a task, that doesn’t mean the task is short or even something that has an end? You did say “for as long as that purpose entails” :P Four angels are named by Midrash as surrounding the divine throne: Uriel, Raphael, Michael, and Gabriel. “We”* seem to be created for a long-purpose task and have been sent out and called upon to do all sorts of things. And in doing those tasks, we seem to still have an amount of choice as to how they happen?

We’re also not necessarily free of opinion, even if we can’t act against our own natures! Both in Talmud and Midrash there’s stories of angels arguing, notably one where all sorts of angels (”myself“ included) argue and protest over whether G?d should create humans or not! So the free will thing is … questionable!

When you get to the issue of how that applies to what happened in the period of time that Supernatural the TV Series documents? Welp. That’s a lotta questions I still got. How could G?d go disappearing on us and leaving Heaven in a state of total disarray? Why were we the “constant brink of apocalypse” universe? There’s a point where the story stops being relevant to me (and where the series should have died) but I still have questions and have zero answers.

I also don’t really have an answer for the whole “being a fictive” thing. I don’t know why I’m here, or what it means that I’m in a human body facing the consequences of mortality. :/ I don’t really know how i got away with playing Loki for so long. I have crises over it semi-regularly, but I just try to keep going.

In the end, what I have is a duty to live my life as best as I can in service of G?d, whatever They may be. I’m stuck living the human life at least half the time, so I have to live the best I can under the circumstances. It’s reassuring that mal’ach, “messenger,” is the word for angels, but also used for human messengers. No distinction is made. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

* I don’t believe Im personally THE Gabriel that countless people invoke in prayer and ritual, just one emanation of that being? idk its another question but I dont lose sleep over this one